


Trapped

by Emmerdale_fangirl



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Comfort, Fear, Insults, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 19:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6296770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmerdale_fangirl/pseuds/Emmerdale_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron feels trapped the night before the trail and resorts back to his old ways....but this time it's something else that helps him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trapped

  
Its dark, too dark. My mind is racing. Words shouting loudly inside me. Insults. Taunting. Threats. I feel trapped, scared. I can't breath, the words grasping my throat. Choking me. I close my eyes tight, trying to push the voices away like I always have. It doesn't work anymore. Every time I try they get louder. To loud. I try to sit up but I feel like I'm being pushed down. Panic is drowning me, killing me. I've felt like this before but this....this is different. I feel sick. My fists are clenched either side of me, my nails digging deeply into the skin of my palms.

 

I feel the warm, red liquid run down my palms but I feel no pain. I still feel trapped, as though I'm in a box with no air holes. My breaths are hollow and quick. My knuckles are aching but I can't focuse on them. That's how I deal with stress usually, I concentrate on the pain, pushing everything else away....but it's not working. I hear footsteps on the stairs, fear engulfs me. My eyes fixed on my bedroom door., memories circle my mind. The footsteps. The creek of the door. The voice. The grip. The pain.

 

One of my hands grip onto my other wrist. My nails are still dug deeply into my palm. I'm scared.....no.....terrified. One of the voices in my head gets louder

 

 

Nobody loves you, nobody wants you. Everyone hates you

 

 

The words beckon in my mind. I can't place the voice. It repeats again.....it's Gordon. The panic engulfes me again. Suddenly, I'm back in my old bedroom. The walls painted light-blue. The lamp shade Spider-Man. The bed covers Super-Man. The carpet white.....The door black. I'm suddenly ten again. Shouting comes from down stairs.

 

 

It's all your fault.

 

 

My heart is beating fast now as my eyes dart around the dark room. I can hear Gordon's words swirling round my head, taking there turns to speak

 

 

It's you and me against the world

 

 

I feel tears building up in my eyes. I'm lost. My mind is an endless ocean that I'm stuck in the middle of.

 

 

You'll never win, your a lier.

 

 

I feel sick, vomit blocking my wind-pipe. I choke, coughing and spluttering over the side of the bed. It's only then I realised I'm back. I'm in my bedroom at the pub. I'm shaking uncontrollably as I swing my legs out of the bed. I feel like I'm going to faint, my legs like jelly benief me. I stumble to the door, opening it cursiously. I'm scared. Gordon's voice had gone but his mind was repeating what he had said.

 

I slowly walk down the stairs, carful Minot to make a sound to wake anyone. What's the point on ruining other people's sleep for me. I'm worthless and I don't deserve them. Any of them. I got to the bottom of the stairs and stumble into the living room/kitchen, switching the light on. Wincing at the burn my eyes suffered as the powerful light hit them.

 

I wander unsteadily to the table, sitting down at it. My jaw clenches in pain as I put my hand down on the table. I wince as I look at the deep scares that are on my palm. I suddenly feel sick again. Rushing to the sink, I vomit into it. Coughing and spluttering, I struggle to keep my breath under control. I'm tired, my eyelids heavy. I let out a quiet sob sliding down the wall. I'm broken, unloved, lonely. My eyes water as I curl myself into a ball. My knee clutched to my chest.

 

I cry silent tears into my shaking knees. Robert is staying in the spare bedroom but I can't will myself to get up. My palm is still wet with newly shed blood. It's warm, thick liquid running tracks down my pale hands. I can't do this. I'm trying to get my breath under control but it isn't working.

 

"Aaron?"

 

The voice was soothing and familiar. Robert. I can't answer, my mouth unable to form words. I'm suddenly coughing uncontrollably.

 

"Aaron, come on breath with me, in and out," His calming voice tells me as he crouches infront of me breathing in and out slowly

 

I join in after a few seconds. Breathing in and out slowly until my breathing returns back to normal. Tears are still running down my pale face.

 

"I'm here Aaron, it's okay. Your safe, nobody can hurt you."

 

My gaze is looking at the wall behind Robert. I can't meet his eyes. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve his help. I don't deserve his love.

 

"Why are you doing this?"

 

My question suprises even me. How was he meant to answer that. Why am I being so selfish. He's just helping me. Why do I have to question his help?

 

"Because I love you Aaron and you don't deserve to be hurt like this."

 

Whys he lying? How can he love someone like me? I don't deserve any of this. I fell his hand move onto me shoulder. I shy away from the touch. Out of both fear and me not deserving his comfort.

 

"I don't deserve this, you. I don't deserve to be loved, I don't deserve to be helped. I deserve to be hurt. Don't waste ya life on me Robert. I'm a lost cause, a failure. You deserve better."

 

After my outburst, I feel panicked. My breath becomes hollow. For the first time, I look at his face, into his eyes. Tears are running down his cheeks as well as though I'd ripped his whole world apart. I swallow thickly. Seeing his face breaks my heart. I love him with all my heart but he deserves better then a broken screw up.

 

"I never want to here you say that again, Aaron. You deserve the world and more. Your not a lost cause or a failure and I love you. Your the strongest person I know, Aaron. You care so much about people you love even after everything. Everyone will be at that court tomorrow supporting you. Because we love you, Aaron."

 

His words seem to ground me. The voices stop and I look into his eyes. My breathing returns to normal and the only thing on my mind is Robert.

 

"Isnt a dad meant to love you?"

 

My voice is not above a whisper.

 

"Aaron, he isn't a dad. He's a sick twisted basted. Yes dads are meant to love you but he isn't even human. At that court tomorrow, we will all be supporting you. Me, your mum, Cain, Adam, Vic and the others. We're all behind you. We can do this, Aaron. All of us, together."

 

I sigh his words going over and over again in my mind. I feel him pull me into a hug and I let him. The warmth of he body, taking away all the pain, all the fear.

 

I'm safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are always welcome.


End file.
